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7/20/12

Boys and their body parts (Non-fiction/fiction)


I miss my son's toddler days. He was this cute towheaded boy who depended on his momma for every need. He'd jabber about his new discoveries and often say,"I love you mommy." Life was so uncomplicated then. The biggest challenged I faced "Then" was potty training, and that went by rather effortlessly.

Years pass and before you know it you're raising a teenager. Those years of uncomplicated boyish innocence, evolve into something else. I was a teenager once, so I remember them well.

About the time my son turned twelve, I was informed that in no uncertain terms could I ever take part in any "MAN" talk. "Man Talk" I pondered. What the heck was man talk?

Apparently this talk was off limits to any women folk, as we didn't come with the right equipment. We had no right being involved in talk where we couldn't understand the terminology or usage of the names, Herman and German.

Being a mom, this piqued my curiosity. Why would mentioning the name of someone or some nationality be off limits to me? Any mother is going to inquire about her son's friends, especially if she hears that one of them is hurt.

Oh boy, was I gullible. Trust me when I say my vocabulary now includes many terms I didn't know before having a son. Take the color blue, a harmless word unless used in the presence of boys. Unless I'm referring to the sky, eyes, weather or clothing, the word blue is off limits in any discussion with my son.

It seems that to mention the color blue, in the presence of the younger male type, can result in laughter and painful groans. For Pete's sake! Blue's my favorite color!

Why the sudden big todo over the words lefty and righty ? Is this a mystery only males can appreciate? When I hear the words lefty and righty, my mind instantly thinks someone is referring to being either right handed or left handed. My son informs me this isn't so. Obviously moms didn't get the memo and don't realize that these once-innocent words have taken on whole new meanings.

Point in case, I stumbled upon a conversation my son was having on the phone with a friend. Okay so maybe I didn't stumble, I sort of eavesdropped. I could hear him telling his friend,

"You know, so and so, lefty and righty have hair now."

Huh! I thought all my son's friends had hair. None I knew were bald. I am sorry but, WHAT? Oops...did I say that out loud? "SLAM" his bedroom door crashes against the door frame rattling my teeth. His voice, which is in the middle of changing, squeaks out...

"This is a private conversation!"

I realize he wasn't referring to someone, but to something, and I get a gut feeling my life will never be the same

I remember a saying: "Once I was blind, but now I see." (I'd rather be blind.) *smile*

At this point in my son's life, I'm not having many pleasant thoughts about my ex-husband. This is the time in a young boys life he needs a father to explain certain thing about the facts of life and body changes. I don't know how to go about explaining these things to Josh, so I call up his father franticly.

"What does this mean? What do you mean calm down! Why don't I know about these things? Did I miss that chapter in the parent's training manual? How can I talk to your son about these things when he has told me I can't? Oh yeah, go ahead and laugh. I hear you snorting. Good thing you live so far away or I would smack you about now!

"STOP LAUGHING YOU ASS! Yes you are. I can hear you! Is this normal behavior? Do I need to take him to a doctor? I'm his mother for Pete's sake! What? How can I look him in the face realizing that these names I've been hearing are not related to literal friends? Oh my goodness, no wonder we are divorced!"

"Go take a flying leap"..."BEEP" I slam down the phone.

Calming down I think to myself, no wonder women have now started naming their breasts, "The Girls".

Oh the naming of body parts doesn't end with Lefty and Righty either! My son has named his feet Boris and Pancho. Yes, you read right, Boris and Pancho. Why for goodness sake do feet need names? I should market Boris and Pancho for commercial ads, something to do with stinky feet, like 'Odor Eaters'.

As a mom of a teenage son, I used to be so ignorant. Now I've been sucked into my son's world. It seems to be happening to more moms who are single and raising sons on their own. We are being subjected to these rites of passage whether we want them or not!

I recently begged my son,

"Please spare me, don't share your terminologies with me! Also, could you and your friends not talk about 'Silent But deadlies' and 'Green Fog Emissions' around me! That really isn't funny. I get a queasy stomach when you do."

I have firmly stated, he isn't ALLOWED to have any "Man" conversations with young ladies! If I ever have hopes of him eventually marrying and bringing children into this world, and I do want to be a grandmother, he'd better keep his mouth shut when he's around girls.

Things have worked out between my son and I regarding the types of conversations I'm allowed to take part in. It wasn't an easy road to travel, realizing my son was growing up then, but life happens and our children do grow up.

My then thirteen year old is now a twenty year old. Along the way we've formed a bond of understanding and respect regarding so called "Man talk and Woman talk." To make transitioning into a man easier, I became what was needed of me, at that particular moment, regardless of the topic. It's been a ride as a single mom raising a boy, but it's been worth every embarrassing moment.

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